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Zimupdate, 4 March 2005

An Open Letter to Jonathan Moyo, Professor

Dear Prof

These indeed are trying times! The chickens have come home to roost and you are now in the twilight of your political career. Do not even mislead yourself that you are still relevant to the politics of this country, NO. At least now you can spend your time with Betty!

I want to bring your attention to the street-wise saying, “When the going gets tough, the retreaded tyres fall apart.” Isn’t that a succinct description of who you are, a retread on our political highways whose entryism has been impeded.

Dear Jona, you were like a fake orgasm, a charlatan and a conman. When those praises that inflated your ego were being heaped on you, those of us in the know knew you were going to be exposed sooner than one could say “Tsholotsho”. To your credit is the length of time you managed to dupe your colleagues and nation.

However, for a musician who made pretensions to Pan African sentimentalism in your Pax Afro pet project, your failure to unpack the wisdom behind Bob Marley’s words “you can fool some people some time but you cannot fool all the people all the time” is shocking. Knowing you, mostly likely you dismissed the reggae icon’s reasoning as the demented ramblings of an unschooled Rastafarian who was high on dope.

At this point, let me remind you that there are some people who did not go to university but who managed to go right around these institutions to reach the cradle of wisdom.

Tell me Prof, how does it feel to hear your erstwhile benefactor telling the world that the only Jonathan he knows is one in the scriptures? Indeed, now you are in a political Siberia. Castrated. When you were exposed for what you were, an unsightly pimple on the visage of ZANU PF, you were reflexly squeezed and crushed. My goodness Jona, those who thought you did not pee like other mortals are shocked to see your current state. You are like a prematurely weaned wild creature that is feeding off the dead carcass of the politics of tribalism.

You have restyled yourself into a Super Ndebele preaching the retrogressive and nocuous politics of regionalism and ethnicity. However, your discourse is goo and is totally unacceptable in a modern constitutional democracy. However, right thinking Zimbabweans have always rejected the evil of tribalism.

Your latest antics reveal that a quirk of nature has put your behind where your mouth is supposed to be. For if it was not so, how could you assert that ZANU PF no longer has a policy programme to take to the masses and is now compensating by bashing you? This is craziness indeed.

You surely regard yourself too highly and therein lies your flaw. Do you think that a whole ruling party can turn you, a nonentity and an egomaniac, into a political project through which it engages the nation?

Please Jona, you are not dealing with that girl, what’s her name, Yulith or grandpa Isaac Chirwa.

One does have to be a rocket scientist to know that an epitaph has been inscribed on your tomb!

Yours Comradely

Noah

PS: Can you please productively spend your time looking for accommodation and a car!

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